One of the newest/best tricks I’ve learned from marriage (and life in general) is how to let things go. It has done great things for me as a wife and as a person.
I sort of have this screaming character flaw that drives me to be right all of the time. It doesn’t help that I usually am right, or that if someone disagrees, I feel the need to go above and beyond reasonable means to prove I’m right. This is both a type A thing, and a Feaster/Watkins thing (I got hit with this from both sides of the family… I never stood a chance). It’s not all bad, it means that I have great instincts and it has served me well in academia, but it’s not always the best thing in relationships.
Exhibit A – having lunch outside with Joe and his mom, when the subject of home-buying comes up. Just casual, bouncing ideas out there, no big deal.
Kait-who-must-be-right-always thinks, “Buying a home is not right for us right now, screw interest rates, we’re not in the right place, we haven’t even been married for a year, I still have student loans, we don’t know where we want to be, the cost of a home is more than just a mortgage, there’s taxes, Dave Ramsey wouldn’t approve…” This list goes on and on. And I want to blurt the list immediately. Why wouldn’t I, I’m right about this?
But then, Kait-who-doesn’t-always-need-to-be-right thinks, “Let it go. It’s not important to voice these things now. Enjoy this lunch and afternoon. Stop freaking out. You can discuss this with your husband later, it’s a decision to be made between the two of you.” So I listened, and I didn’t have to prove I was right, and we had a great afternoon.
So let it be known that nothing bad comes from holding your tongue, and also that I’m nowhere near expert at this. I have to consciously choose to go against my nature and let things go. But it’s worth the effort every time. And fifty percent of the time, it works every time.