Today I am tired of thankfulness.
I’ve having one of those graduate student I-want-to-complain-about-everything-and-everyone moments, and I totally recognize that. I’ve been in a certain mood today, and it’s definitely less a thankful one and more a stressed out one. Which makes me realize how quick I am to forget my blessings and instead count my complaints. I probably do this at least once a day. I totally lose sight of all the good things and instead focus on the things I wish I could change or skip over. That kind of thinking totally puts me in a negative mood, and it definitely rubs off on the people around me.
If misery loves company, then grad students are misery magnets.
Oh man, it only takes mentioning the name of a professor or assignment and ten other students show up, ready to whine about the same issue. It’s a kind of toxic level of negativity around here, and when I join in on it, the negativity in my life multiplies exponentially. It’s one of the more frightening things about being here, and one of the things I normally avoid. But today I gave in. I am exhausted just thinking about the things I need to get done, and I am really struggling to see the beauty and purpose in me being here.
But this time, like all times, is a very good one, if I but know what to do with it (thanks for that gem, Ralph Waldo Emerson). That’s all to say that, I can and will make it through this, but rather than focus on the end goal, I should focus on where I am at this moment because I will never be here again. I often get caught up in planning or wishing ahead, and you can miss so much that way. So I will make the concerted effort (starting tomorrow) to 1) be thankful where I am and 2) be happy where I am. Because I have the power over those two things. For the next two weeks, that is my mantra: Be thankful, be happy. Repeat it with me.